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An
extract from The Cheese Murder. Halibut and Fluids walked to their cars talking, leaving the three Constables. Fledgling picked up the overalls and string, inserting them into a large clear bag. She carried it to the car. Colin Teeth did the same with the boots and Crumblewick followed behind with the wire and bags. Fledgling proceeded back to the remaining items. Two swans had climbed up onto the bank and discovered the stale french bread lying unguarded on the plastic sheet. Their long necks slowly descended. "Oh shit!! They're going for the bloody bread!" Fledgling yelled, running towards the birds. The other officers looked round. All but Crumblewick raced over to help. "Get away! Shoo! Get lost! Bugger off!" they all shouted, hurling their arms in the air and dancing round the swans in a bid to scare them off. The yellow bills hurriedly snapped at the bread, pulling at it and engorging half each. They spread their mighty wings and flapped aggressively. Crumblewick stood back from the scene witnessing five grown people and two birds engrossed in a frantic fandango, all hurling abusive noises. The swans joined in, honking crazily. "Retreat and they'll calm down!" shouted Fledgling above the din. "Retreat, retreat!" The officers all stepped backwards enlarging the circle around the birds. One leapt straight into the water. The other decided to perpetuate the game. Its evil little eyes picked out Constable Teeth, fixed a demonic stare, stretched out its lengthy roll of feathery neck and thrust its head towards him. It snapped and snapped and snapped, the Constable stepping back, back and further back, yelling tortuously. Then the beast pounced, lunging high, wings and neck outstretched and plucked at the man's face. Its beak fastened upon the Constable's nose and wrenched, yanking the man forward, pulling, wriggling and twisting its head, the officer slipping and slithering in the mud, beak still attached. The swan finally released him from its grip and flapped away, leaving Teeth squirming in the mud clutching his torn, blooded nose, groaning in agony. "Quick, get him in the panda car!" screamed Fluids. "Stick the siren on, Vivian! Get him to hospital! Go like the clappers! Go! Go! Go!" Crumblewick and Halibut lifted the howling man and rushed him to the car, throwing him onto the back seat. Vivian had the engine running, the wheels spun and the car roared backwards, disappearing up the hill in reverse, the siren submerging the victim's frenzied squeals. |
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| ISBN 978-1-906866-34-1 204 pages, paperback, fiction. Contains some bad language. RRP £7.99 Buy here through PayPal for £6.99 + £1.50 P&P (UK orders only) You will be purchasing this book from PayPal account 'Punctuate Communications', authorised seller of The Cheese Murder. Delivery usually within 4 working days. First
Published in Great Britain in 2009 by Lees
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